we're never meant to be

posted some pretty 'depressing' journal on DA saying im a lonely person... hahaha pretty true la. if my online gf/usual college gang dont talk to me, no one does. though just realized i made another online brother ( actually a girl but we came to a habit of calling each other bros lmao )

im so touched when they responded to my nonsense. even ppl whom dont talk to me in the first place... okay i know they might not meant it but im almost went teary when i see those replies. Betachan is handicap when it comes to being independent, Jiru's health is down the drain but she still look forward to talking to ppl online. and other tons of shit i read/know on DA. i think you can ignore me now, im just depress. the online world does has it impact in real life as much as people doesnt wanna believe, specially to emo hermits like me. its kind of like half salvation where ppl 'tried' to help one another.

so yea. if i were to stay alone in a room, im very sure. its a haunted one. coz i have a habit of doing things in the silent, i do open music but that when im in a good mood... when its quiet, i think it means im annoy, im not sure really. i like nothingness at times. void. null. peace. and just paint my time away. feeling happy in my little comfort zone.

doc said i have to think positive, though i've pretty much fed myself from negativity to be motivated, my body cant handle it. its the inner stress thing again, i hate it when my body doesnt sync with my mind.

SO!

someday. I'll be able to paint fur like Sullivan.
someday. I'll be able to pixel art like Soysa.
someday. I'll be able to model low poly 3D like SamaVan.

For now I just wanna

REAL TROLLFACE by ~stargrace97 on deviantART

A little fur test with Sullivan's brush. still unsure how to use them...

but yes. one fine day. i will make those 'someday' happen.


PS.
I ate dog food/biscuit yesterday morning. it tasted salty but crunchy~ finally!! my childhood curiosity has been satisfied; or is this the prologue of me regaining my insanity? but was i sane to begin with?

I AM VERY ALIVEEEE. rly? yes rly.

just hungry. its amazing i let this place died for so long. what happen to my ranting days? idk really, im enjoying work, learning 3Dmax, being useless limited-skill person whom is in charge of ppl with far greater capability than me, and hungry.

pretty much a lot of things happen but they didnt make me rage to the extend of needing a post output... okay well, i admit, i wrote a love rage letter to the owner of this place together with sound recorded proof i took like a creepy person coz i dont wanna eat "dead cat" for things i didnt do...

and it didnt work apparently, well, it did, for a day, he manage to get some balls to make a rage phone call to them bitches and make them move out by july, but... another day later he decided to cancel out all room renting. tsh. life.

why do i have to get drag in with messes all the time = =

so yea, short and quick before i let this place mold again.


sisters drama with internet block


button whoring.

nothing is going well lately

im pmsing, so dun take this post like so srsly LOL coz im in a easily-drama-ed mood.

1. thought i found a place to move out this damn house and then money just have to get in the way...
2. work productivity is going downhill, im so tired.
3. I cant draw or do anything arty for a week or two now, artblock why orz
4. starting to lose appetite to eat, dont know... i cant taste flavors today wtf
5. I hate this womanly month thing, making me so weak and drama mood swing
6. Going to be "sharing" stuff this friday for company sketchy thinggy event... i cant even draw on paper how am i suppose to "share" so stress... i dun like to see myself failing so miserably... not to mention in front of peoples. thats why i dun like to play the xbox when so many are watching...

but well... at least a few thing thats nice going on

1. Ex-Markerting mate is planning to hire me to freelance their wedding video omg
2. PAUL was nice, Pirates of Caribbean ain half bad
3. Learn how to diffy "Brought" and "Bought" lmao
4. Get to play Bayonetta on xbox... wow this is like a dream come true
5. Got more poor coz i bought a book that i found attachment in

so yea. lots of things on my mind now but im just going to play psp and roll on bed. too tired. freaking bleeding of love... remind me why do we have it again?

meh so lazy

so okay. im very lazy nowadays so ima blog when i feel like it.

1. My bloody test is fine it seems. just a few glitch here and there but im overall healthy. damn it. im every other normal person on the streets again orz

--

2. New job is enjoyable. though im using back Mac and seated in the same condition as my last job... where air condition or wind flow is null. but thats okay cause once the programmer comes in, I'll get a new PC and PH just brought a USB fan for me. He got me a more feminine/cute fan but i wanted a manly one, so i traded with fabian coz his a moe otaku.

me "oh do u wanna trade? i want that one"
fabian "okayy"
PH "why are you guys in reverse? I specially brought a more feminine fan for lize"
me "im too manly, his feminine"

lmao. i ttly did that. to prove that, i made a boy cry when im in 3th grade. End up not wanting to get into trouble, i have to cheer the victim and stop his crying. hahahahahah omg memoriesss. true story yo. believe it!

--

3. Fabian talks like Mr.Kiasu. even his sound fx and other action reminds me of him. ugh. so.... i need to get used to it. He rage pretty easily though. remind me not to get to his bad side. im seated beside him lmao

4. PH assigned me such.... authoritative position it makes me nervous. im never a fan of... ruling over one another... makes it sound so. political lmao im a maso whom likes being down under. coz i really ain all that good in anything. i need to get better for this.

5. my stalker had stop talking to me for quiet some time now. its either shes avoiding me or she doesnt have anything else to talk with. like i mention. i took out RP from our chat session, so if thats really the case, ah well, too bad, it means she needs a life.

6. Skype call session with Oni was funnnn, listening to her spanish is... gasming. her voice omg. she sang KH's song for me in spanish omg. after a long while of talking the other day, mouse joined coz she heard us talking when i was streaming my painting. and. HOLY CRAP BRITISH ACCENT I JIZZ SO HARD orz

7. im officially constipated thanks to you know who x 2

--

8. continue from the nice skype call session. i talk to them until 4am LMAO epic shit. and they started pimping me coz i have less page view than them. that got me around 10+ watched and tons of fav and loads of pageview. dear gwad i love these ppl... though i wanted attention at times but sudden attention scares me.


this is just that night's conclusion.


more coming in like for another day or so. my pageview shoot up to 160+ over 4 days, these ppl and their network in DA is admirably scary LOL

--

9. just because my art is slightly better. than doesnt mean i get fav or comments as much lmao i wanna cry when loserer reply so when i thank her for faving my shit.



10. I never imagine myself being so active and wanted in DA... im official moderating for 4 groups, not-so-active-contributor for 2, and normal members for 4. so much to draw so little energy and time bawwwww i still owe ppl their commissions and gifts, i need to learn how to say no....


so heres sth random. when internet/msn fails you

for once i feel relaxed

coz im still going to continue my freelance job in the company and PH doesnt recommend us bringing work home... so i slept late into the morning, after lunch i took a nap ( i blame my glasses, it makes me sleepy whenever i wear it ) and to wake up to a storm. oh joy.

when was the last time i feel so zen? well... minus the fact that i ain got no time off between this career switch... HL went to shanghai trip with her company. so the room is mine alone for the week.

so... lonely D;

update later.

Eight

so lazy for titles now. just went shopping with Icha for her shoes for dinner night and homg my feet is sore and carrying lappy around isnt idle for shopping session LOL though i had my part of the fun trying out high heels and...... attempting to walk in them hahahahha... yea. i'll be a very good decorative if anyone put me in heels.

saw so many nice boots and..... so many rich china woman buying 3-5 pairs of shoe at once.... when can i get that filthy wealthy? bawww ebill ppl i tell u ebilllllll.... and i want so many things icha dun wanna buy me. bad mum. she manage to get her secondary fav shoe coz the first in the list didnt have black in stock after such long session of trying and hessitating lmao.

and also. the bitches at home ain washing cloths today homg. they wash EVERYDAY and not today!? i was joking with HL the other day that after she kept her detergen, they are not going to have anything to stealandwash their laudary..... well. apparently it might be true.

jeez..... bunch of suck up pussy... HL even found out they use her face wash coz her sponge was... foammy this morning when she woke up to it... tell me, what other kind of human being exist? i dun believe this is cheapsake right? such whores....

oh i love my life

2 hour back in PJ and im stress already LOL. rant to come later coz im on deadline crunch.

do we really need a title...

yes im reading ur every post dear. believe it. im reading it with all ma heart as nine out of ten of ur problems. lmao.

so i cant really think of anything to rant now besides im slacking way too long from work knowing every shit deadline is on 5th of April.... im just not motivated enough to do them right now... for the last 2 week. hopefully this week i can. coz judgement day is next week lmao.

full time work wise, everything is going well. icha is sharing some of my work load and getting some new jobs and im just finishing everything up. urm... ganna have to try my luck and apply for a long weekend off since Icha is there already and im free... a little bit? XD

but anyway, introducing my boss. whom my workmates claim he look like a pretzel too LMAO

some random vandalism.


completed work.




sudden shoot up of page view scared me... i wanna know whose pimping me coz its abnormal for me to get this much view a day unless i post art, but even with that i only get up to 40+ so after much paranoid-ya i figure this must be the reason why.


my mini event got pimp coz i beg for it LMAO SEE HOW SADLY INSIGNIFICANT I AM lel i edited the picture so u can check out the full post here not that anyone needs to care anyway.

Join another small private group since im such a sucker in saying "no" to friends. this time its not pokemon or dotHack. its making planet in humang or any other form of ur perferance rofl. ppl are gettin very creative these days. so im one of the moon to Neptune and i name my character Zeezee.

dun ask me why.... that name just stuck with me and i need to get it out XD

and found out yesterday that, this house's internet is limited to 20GB of data transfer, anymore than that the connection will go derp.... bless myself. im a heavy user and u expect me to go less!? well im anime-free for a month or two now, and i dun have much to download unless i really want it... so yea... will try to abuse company's internet while im still there baw.

ah no worries yo

coz im totally back on track with my ever wavering emotion. I blame PMS. I email the printing guy like a day or two ago, just to confirm my death and ordering a grave in advance. but to my ubber relief. "Oh no, the printing is not in progress yet, Detpak is not that efficient!" LMAO omgggggg I WILL FAKING HUG YOU AND KISS YOU ON ZE CHEEK. yes cheek. TO SHOW U HOW MUCH U JUST SAVE MA ARSEEEEE.

so yea. guess i'll save jumping off the building another time. othat than that. ma sis in Japan is safe. and my religion-free-prayers goes to the land of the raising sun, for all the strangers over there whom created the source of my life and my inspiration to draw and learn. Without all ur awesomeness, i wont be such an otaku today.

but secretly i just want to say. please dun die too many of those artist coz i wont have any more manga to read if that happens. so yea. humans are selfish. but at least im still thinking of how close the end of the world is to becoming a reality. gets you thinking does it?

and 11 is a bad number. think about it. Hint: 911

other happier note, Blow totally gets all my stories and she adapting to them LOL, like how i influence ppl with my "kala" slang instead of typing proper "color"



totally made more friends, and this time its local dudesss!!! and by dude i dun mean guys LOL traded phone number with Eden Joey and Kitty Ami, both meet in devianart and we're ganna have 3some for Comic Fiesta!!

theres another, Maze but i dun seem to be able to talk to her as.... urm. friendly as i can orz but its all good. im still socializing offline EHEHEHHEHE well. ganna work now. such a sad life i have. Rango was awsum, the characters. the texture. other than that its not as ubber awsum but its still worth the moneh.

right. work...

MOVING

MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING

out.

oh. the zen. i can almost feel i with my sore throat.

stop leaning to meeeeee EWWW

public bus. smelly guy with smelly jacket. sleep. and that pretty much explain the title orz i dun mind really, ppl falling asleeping and leans to the side. but. ur jacket. ew. i couldnt get my shut eye today orz

3 more days and im moving out HOOOOOOOOO

and


what is this... i haven post any sheet the past few days... where is all the view coming from im stwess from not knowing 8T

the painnnnnn

not a good sign LOL sie ahhhhhh

got a pretty bad blister too

black spot under the skin... i tot it was solidify blood but...


ouch. blood spilled out when i cut the skin orz

DAMN ITTTTT

get well already body!!! my mind cant cope with all these repeated sickness when there work and shit and more shittt to dooo orz

Round3 return of cough. when to the 3th doctor for RM60. second doctor for RM67. first doctor back in taiping for.... RM25? this shows that KL doctors are all sharks. they give u 2-3 day worth of medic but if u dun recover by the time the medic finish, u have to return and get slaughter alive again.

just had another horrible round of fever yesterday. i slept at 830pm and woke up at 1030am. so freaking blur and numb and wobbly on feet. i am not liking this. good news is, the medic work, im coughin less. bad news is, when i do cough, i went on a spasm like im ganna puke blood the next second. not my throat hurts from all the coughin. talking hurts.

know what my grandma did yesterday?

me: -finally able to sleep with the cold and fever and coughin at 830pm-
grandma: -enters the bedroom- ARE YOU ASLEEP!? YOU SLEEPING AR!? -saying as loud as shouting-
me: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF -woke up in shock and anger-
grandma: NOT FEELING WELL!?
me: Fever.
grandma: DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT WET CLOTH ON UR HEAD?
me: ..... can you let me sleep?
grandma: blah blah blah -and goes out the room-

i mean. srsly. why am i doin on bed if im not sleepin!? play dead!? i really don get what she is thinking sometimes... the fact im THIS sick and she starts being long winded.... its not helping with my fault mood.

urgeeeeee

baw.



my to-draw-list is getting longer by the day. they wont make sense to anyone unless you stalk my DA animeshit. I dun just draw and paint for fun. i try sth new in every picture XD

doing stuff i can already do is satisfying but painting sth new and getting stress over is fun. yea im a masochist. but its like reminiscing back in my smarter days where solving add math successfully can bring tears to you eye baby~~~

yea im ranting coz i dun get time to draw D<

and FML. my cough is back coz most of everyone here just started coughin. was about to recover 2 days ago now im back to my lung stapling days. crys.

FML x2. Boss wants me to follow up on web design as he is going to pass me contacts for ppl to pitch idea and 20k budget for this project. same goes to the annual dinner where every little shitty graphic and layout and setting needs my help.

i dun think he'll let me resign before settling all those. my name will go bad when other call and inspect of my past career. I dun wanna be label as the person whom ran away from responsibility. so now my letter throwing days are in end of march. end of april run away. once everything is done and settled.

at least now i can move out... and starve more on saving money. lmao.

derp

not much progress on room hunt. but at least i've got some good start.

if i were to stay in Asia Jaya area. my travel time is reduce to mere 30min. LRT + LRT. yes i still need to walk and travel fee is still needed but at least i could save 12hour for 6 working days. compare to what im doing for the last 5month. i've used up 2andahalfhour to travel per day. do the math im too lazy to think.

SL consulted their tenant when i pay them a visit. His cool with having another person and the rent is rather cheap for PJ area. RM250. water, eletric, limited internet. but havin to see the room of my dear friends... i dun feel like moving in with them though it might do all of us good on the money section.

you pay those kind of amount, but still get cramp place. so i really dun wanna be the problematic source. again. like when we started college. fate is a funny thing. if i do end up staying with those 2 again. its going to be like how we first meet each other again. ah. nostalgic memories.

not to mention i really FELT like going home for once. when i walk on the road of Asia Jaya to the condominium where i once spore over. for once i look at the still bright sky and walk home. there were a room out for rent along the terrest house. I might drop by again for a look.

its a house that sells fruits in bundles. they gave us some last time when we were on out way home from college. and after 4 years. they still have room for rent. funny. the last i remember the aunty mention to me, RM300 water, electric and aircon. HMMMM. tempting. i hope its still the same with additional internet hur hur hurrr

and hopefully.... peaceful environment. not noisy house. hack they sell fruits. i wont be lacking vitamic C with them around. if they are going to sell me, i'll buy. ifs its free out of left over, bah ill take it anyway. I'm going to be poor with all the extra expenses.

I need broadband too if they dun have any.... FML.

as for my work. i feel like a zombie. i feel useless there. all my technical skill have gone to waste over the times i angst over the stress that i cant do anything satisfying for the boss. i need to get out fast. but guess wat? Annual Dinner is on April and every is psyche about it. I feel guilty bursting their bubble if i said im going to resign at the end of Feb.

i was thinking after chinese new year.... but that means i have to throw letter lastest by next week. listening to their plannings and comments. its really hard to be human sometimes... okay. most of the time. but i need to do this. for my own sake.

end of Feb. coz Feb has less days and more holiday. I hope he doesnt reject it... its not like i have problem with the office. its me that i have problem with. and addint this fact. i dun know if moving out is a good choice. but i need to do it. my guts tells me i have to.


well. on a happier note.

someone gave me subs again. FFFFF I made her promised me not to do it again since shes already spoiling me with DA points. second heart attack in deviantart. found out from her its worth 4Euro. thats like RM16 converted XD

a.m.g. not to mention the few hundred of points she gave me its worth like.. 1-2USD LOL

time to find shelter

I've spread virus to everywhere i go. My way of life is being questioned. Time to move and cause less problem here. Time to find a room even if its just for a few month. Time to pay my rent here and check out.

"If you dont live with us... Do you ever move, eat or sleep?"

ouch. im sorry that my nature of career and hobby is in front of a computer. i do hang out with friends and go for movie and look for food to not starve myself. I just dun wanna move around in this house coz its not my house and i've already burden you enough.

wth laaa wthhhh

went to watch Tron in 3D with susan yesterday and went home with a cold. last year i had fever this year cold. wats for next year i wonder. yea. i get badly sick every year end. its pretty sad when i a new baby and i didnt get to find energy to play with it...

ah well. with my coughing still going on... i really dun feel like going back to work BAW. another reason why.

Cactus go HOOOOO

my deadline pillar is filling up again. baw. and theres 3 outlet in singpore that wants graphic changing for their menuboard bawwwww i dun wanna workkkkkk theres only a week left before i turn 32!!!! give me a breakkkkk lolololol

so yea. manage to sweat out the cold yesterday. feeling pretty okay right now. various of xmas present thing year. hmmm. so lazy wanna go out and spread my virus for dinner but i must. for the sake of better nutrition.

for once

in my life. i look forward to christmas epicly hard. like. ubberly until i feel like i might have heart attack or asthma the next second. lmao. its been so longgggggg since i last drawn sth!!! having a habit of puking art every weekend to release the inspiration blockage of weekdays is taking a toll on this poor cat.

by poor i mean my new bby cost me ;w;

TIME! please pass faster and go slower on saturday!!! its all i can think of right nowww omg omg omgggg tronnnn---- i mean, tablettttttttt -foams- my drawing list just got longer over timeeeeee -foams moar- 8E



oh last sunday when me and my younger sis was waiting for the bus to get to kl sentral then to time square for CF. there was this japanese old couple that walk to the bus stop too. so they were like finding sth and turn to ask "is this Taman Desa" so i said "yes" and the lady was looking pretty glad and happy.

then the man ask again "Taman Desa Shopping mall?" i was puzzled so i ask "Kl sentral?" since most tourist would go there or pasar seni to buy stuff. then again they don dress as if they were going out for a very long trip... he reply "Shopping mall" i move on with "MidValley? you need to take the bus there"

im guessing his as puzzle as i was. so he pointed to the roll of shoplots behind us "Taman Desa shopping mall only here?" from there i thought they wanted to go to the center of the taman, so stood up and tell them to follow me.

the lady was very happy. she went "ahhh arigato arigato" and bow bow to us. so i walk out till the crossroad until i can see the GREEN sign board of a restaurant which pretty much a good indicater for them to get there.

so i turned and said "Kokode. Aoi des. temo shopping mall ga chicou des" hand motion to point the board and "small". ( its there, the "green". but the shopping mall is small ) im pretty sure i suprise them that i could speak a little japanese heheheehheheh~~~

then the lady started saying arigato again and this time bowing 90degree at me, so i went "daizoubu daizoubu" and bow to her... and it ended up into a bowing session. she said thanks again and bow again i did the same lololol

after like 2 round of bowing i decided this needs to be stop. so i walk back to the bus stop after the goodbye. then i ask my sis to confirm "is 'Aoi' green?" she said "isnt green 'MIDORI'?" i went "FFFFFFF FML I TOLD THEM 'AOI'! orz"

Aoi - 青い - Blue
Midori - 緑 - Green

i learn my japanese color lesson now. but the lady was so cuteeeeeeeeee and the way they say english was so adorable. the way she bows and thanks and looking so happy. its just too cute to pass. and if its not the place they are looking for... im sorry la... i did my best... there wasnt a shopping mall there but just 7eleven and hypermarket.

once again. watching anime pays of!! XD



PS:
I took tomorrow off to accompany family to sent sis off to airport. so i guess its going to pass a lot more faster compare to a working day. w00t. my boss was reluctant to approve of my day off. lmao.

and.

mouse cging over my freelance work is no fun. my wrist hurts from the touch up and trying to get the stroke angle right orz

i discover that

the touch and go monthly package has..... DAY 0 !!!!!!!

omg i've been reloading it everytime i see it left 1 day. which i thought its that day itself that i tap it on the thing. orz and this morning i use cash to get to my work place, to found out later on i was pretty stupid coz why do i need cash for the train when my card have credit inside!?

so yea. wasted rm4.40 for morning trip.
and found the Day0 when i was going home. = =

2 japanese boys sat in front of me in the bus today. one looking pretty girlly lmao. i didnt get a thing they said but the foerign ear candy keep me awake the whole trip. now im lacking a nap to start work.

the only few thing i understand was. they say the bus fee was cheap coz its only 60yen. they were talking about street fight, boxing and yankee. they mention several time about Otaku. they were pretty scared when they couldnt recognize where they were and doubt that this is the right bus they were on. lmao.

they got off 2 stop before me. they were in group of 6 or 7. couldnt take a pic coz it was too obvious that im a creepy person if i did. was looking out the window the whole time coz i dun wanna smile when i actually understand a thing or two of wat they said XD

--

electric spark test. like the final result. but i cant remember what i did half way out the process. orz

yea. try to get my own fancy formula for those things.

--

another thing is. my boss really think i'll be staying long term. im planning to resign after i get like. acceptable time for my resume. but today he called me and my marketing mate in to discuss about the work for the rest of the month.

he mention several time about wanting to revamp the current website. but it wasnt all that deadly deadline so i didnt bother. so now here comes. the website will be launching together with free pretzel day next april. which i need to come out with the concept and completion by febuary.

iphone and ipad hates flash. and thats the only thing i know. so we're ganna look for web ppl to put it up. after i come out with the concept this month. so i really dun know how to go around this. guess the best plan is to get it done asap. and pass up my letter.

im dead bored of the job. i ain learning stuff. its not a bad job actually, for a laid back person its good. but i wanna get better. so i need to move on. the ppl there are friendly and the deadlines ain all that tough. if this crappy multimedia whom suck at graphic and concept generation can do it. anyone can.

and im pretty underpaid to have do, packaging/3D/website/banner/menuboard/Ad/presentation slide/video and handle singapore designer ppl that cant replace shit material when i only have so low res to work with yet they keep on complaining its not good enough. fml.

--

and i cant wait to go back home tomorrow... the noise here added up can become nuke boom. 2 kids cousin from singapore. 2 kl cousin. 2 aunt with 1 aunt prone to arguing with ppl. 1 grandma. 1 tv. and tons of sarcasm with lame jokes.

lize. is. not. amused.

and my pms is near. i cant care less of layaning ppl anymore. my happy drug DA. how i am going to miss you so much.

december 4th. 59view. but the weird thing is. i didnt do anything that day O_o"

--

and i did sth out of impulse coz i cant take the horrible copyright usage anymore. didnt make it obvious but i might report to Gravity if they answer my question and not delete my post.


--

Note:
Away from tomorrow until 16th. Family Vacation.
and im gettin Intuos4 for xmas present. oh so epic XD

and this is true.



in my case. when i dun have a tablet.

lmao

for the first time in 4 month. i overslept a stop away and end up walking back a stop to get back home. i think fatigue is starting to get to me.

and my marketing mate was saying sth about her wedding. yea the one i wrote bout having a older bf. so she was saying they are planning it. and she wants a garden location. so i tease her. remember to invite me to her wedding dinner and ceremony. i will kick the door open and say OBJECTION!!!

i was whack twice that day. and i told her my shoulder is meaty very nice to whack and be pillow. i got whack again.

hahaha wow... didnt know i would be having these kind of conversation at all. with someone of the same age but.... wedding...? lmao. life is full of surprises. and i was indeed. shock when i woke up to see i over slept a stop. orz

another few things that made me smile. simple as they are. ma DA pals XD


but i think something is really off about me today. i overslept on bus. i nearly use the deodorant to wash my face and im unusually hungry. maybe the fact that i cant get my freelance job right and end up making PH do my part got me sad?

idk. i am however disappointed at myself.