Stories of excuses.

somehow i felt like Yagami light from death note...

i really don like going out with my aunt's family some how. it gets really stressful seeing them like... pissy KL ppl. the father obviously needs anger management, the son obviously needs to shut his arse-pie-hole and use his brain more than to utter totally bullshit. grandma needs to know when i say no its no.

neither can i take the father's sarcasm anymore. i dun know. do modern dads act like that? my youngest aunt's husband is like that too. im having a dilemma, my dad is awsm, so i cant really say does male brains works differently from females? scientifically yes la. but could this 3 male i know think more before voicing out?

i mean, if u want ur kids to behave, try to behave and be less stuborn urself?

okay la, tested and proven im home sick, to be accurate, home-atmosphere sick.

so back to the death note situation, well, im pretty much cursing the whole time when i hear shit. after all these long while, i learn how to keep it to myself. a lot more compare to last time, and only to rant it out when the situation is right, i wanna correct things and make them realize it unconsciously.

i admit, im pissed that i couldnt have the weekend to myself. my anti drug is already taken away from me, my entertainment is limited to certain amount of number, my energy is hard to spare... im just so tired.

the fact that ur reading this, means im going to have all my say in these. so here goes... the only way for me to get it all back, is to move out and get my own broadband. i know. i know it very well, but i wanna save cost. im a failure enough in making decisions, i want to at least know this choice i make is working. and it is. my account money is not depleting in a horrible rate, im still givin myself small rewards once in a while but the cost for that is affecting me mentally.

weekend, i dun expect much, i dun even go out to movies, if im really desperate for freedom i will go and watch it on my own. and i did. it was a nice change of paste if i may add. but still, all i wan is time to myself. do something that might not benefit me even. drawing, painting, watching anime simply wasting my time daydreaming even!

joinin DA group made me realize. i rather create art that interacts with ppl, rather than art that is worth a thousand words. i dun want praises like how awesome i am coz i know ppl will get there someday with practice, i just want ppl having fun with my art, spoiled it, talk to it, make shit up with it. its more fun that way and i can prove you why its a lot more better than godly art.

ppl.wiil.just.say.how.good.it.is.period.

and thats how sad it is. you might earn more in money wise when u sell these, but good artist is not having as much fun as i am. they have a lot lower self esteem than i do though they have more recognition than i did. but what keep me goin is still a question. do i want recognition too or to prove myself i've improved? maybe both but in a different matter?

i want ppl to recognize my improvements? so that i dun feel like such a failure in life?

and that is starting to become like an addition to me. i couldnt care less whether this lame skill of mine is going to take me anywhere in the future since i so choice not to persuade those field of work. i wanted to interact with online ppl, though strangers, so badly i feel suffocated when i couldnt connect with them.

im startin to get sick i know.

i just open a badly lock for handicap ppl only toilet door, and there was a mother inside who quickly hide herself and myself quickly shut it back. not my fault. that will be her lesson not to use a handicap ones when shes not. grandma wanted to use it. FYI.

and i need a hair cut.

peace out.