the different kind of stress

to be exact, its all from blood-related most of the time. maybe i am more suited to solitary life with friends from other bloodline, i wasnt as pissed before i was going to start this entry... but THIS



happen and i just really need to let shit out right now.

first off, comin back to KL im already expecting more rant post, good thing its not everyday. the male cousin is as retarded as usual and i doubt he has any good future in him. grandma is as long winded as usual. the lack of workspace is as arse/shoulder/back/chest sore as usual.

and. because all those are AS USUAL... think about it? its not beneficial repetitive like work. so its not a good deal of stress to accumulate. at some point i really wanna move out to gain back what i had back in college days. less things to stress over except minor bitches around the place. but i dun need them to live so i wont fuck their life up if they dun screw up mine.

then, theres the unintentional ones like, asking do you need help finding jobs/do you wanna work at my friend's place; i think u better call them maybe they forgotten about the interview; did u apply in blahblahblahblah place; are you sure your not just saying; what are you doing now; and other overly caring sentence.

i admit im pretty spoil to a certain level and i wanna change that. but when u grow up spoiling someone you just cant change it all the sudden. let me feel a bit hardship will ya? stop givin me money and asking for others to help me. it makes me wanna cry that im this shit helpless. i just earn my first quarter of the pay from PH and it felt so good.

its not my fault that ur kids grow up such a jackass or useless, nor was it my fault that he keep on nagging you for a psp because i have one. all u ever do is give him death glare and verbal warning and thats it. you dun beat him up, u dont starve him you dont even do anything to nail him back on track. worst off, you go along with his joke or even treat it like its nothing.

i want to handle my life for a little for once. i know everything is going to change when every freaking ppl i know dies off. and i tell u think of death most of the time. there might be a short circuit in my brain i dun know, when sth bad happens, i think of that person died first, then ppl are sleeping and they overslept, i tot they died and i would stare at them to see if they are still breathing. specially old ppl.

but i know that, when i wanna do something determinedly, it will never go as plan.
tested and proven.