i found out...

im not such a patience person after all. well not like spontaneous combustion impatience person but... easily pissed at little things at times impatience? most of the time when i got those moment its near pmsing days. so yea let me blog.

maybe i like leadership after all. maybe. must be the fault of being a Leo or the temptation of higher authority or im just a sadist. must have got this from someone im very sure... when i was younger.

what i can do others cannot! yea i know. thats selfish and childish but hey at least i notice my mistake. so yea it only happens at times. then again theres the NO POINT LA moment and of cause the unintentional i made someone think im pissed but im not but the end result of thinking so... made myself pissed in the end.

i cant really forgive myself sometimes. for making those stupid mistake even if they are unintentional. and yea i tired to make up to it by watever shit i should hv done instead of what i did. for example. just now. conversation with dad. msn.


Dad: what are u doing now?
me: onlinin.
Dad: can online conver?
me: sure.
-connected; conversation translated from hokkien-
Dad: eyo happend to you?
me: what? u want me to smile like an idiot though theres no one?
Dad: i mean ur hair, like no comb.
me: theres a fan oh top what can i do? (how many times hv u ask me that)
Dad: ooo got fan on top... so wat are u doing now?
me: onlining (not again)
Dad: ooo... eat d not?
me: ate.
Dad: what you eat?
me: oa-
Dad: fried rice ar?
me: oat. (i told u a million times i hate fried rice)
Dad: what?
me: oat. (pissed)
Dad: ohhhhh just that enough ar?
me: yea.
Dad: ooo... im findin movie to dl. any new movie?
me: *type sherlock holmes* see the title i type there?
Dad: oh that movie out d ar?
me: yea.
Dad: okay la u do ur stuff la.
me: ok.
-online call end-


i understand the point of father and daughter conversation when theres a distance. but personally i dun live in some awesome place where random things just happen and i have stories to tell every night. so. the point of the conversation? just to check if i ate. just to check what im doing.

I WILL GET PISSED FOR BEING SO EMO COZ I HV NOTHING TO TELL U AND I FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING SUCH A MOOD KILLER DAUGHTER WHEN U SO WILLINGLY CALLED ME TO SEE IF IM FINE.

and realizing what i've done. i went to search for other movie that he haven already download. after i gave him 2 titles. he reply "enough ty" i dun know why but i got more pissed. i know he have the incapability to type like any other epic pc user but the point of unable to express urself in words are irritating sometimes.

and calling to ask those things and off coz theres no more usual things to ask. just worsen the situation. i appreciate u calling once in a while where we have things to tell but why not try the other better daughters. they are more patience then i am.

my voice obviously convey my feelings so im sorry that i sound monotonous. its much better if we talk with type font. u cant see my bored face. u wont heard my annoyed voice. u cant predict if im happy or not.

i just dun know. im more impatience with families and relative compare to friends. maybe my expectation of them understanding me is higher but im dissapointed at some point? yea i know im not communication much thats why it didnt turn out that way.

but as i mention. sometimes when parent and relatives try to be amusing with you. IT. JUST. BACK. FIRED. AND IM PISSED ALL OVER FROM BEING ANNOYED. it is not funny and it kills my will to improve our relationship.

does that conclude that, as ppl grow older they get more "younger" mentally and senile and tries too hard to fit in with their kids?

or me, being too sensitive?

many will ask. lize, what do u want? really? and there will an ending. U SAY ALL LA.